The early peak hours are the most unbearable. It seems to me that they have turned every road in this city to a parking lot. Not to mention, the ever-growing numbers of annoyingly reckless pedicab drivers and motorists on the streets of Binondo, my enemy no.1, if I may say, are those offenders who do not give a damn about company cars.
Unlike men who normally would roll down their window on blood-simmering driver’s temperament and curse the one that just cut them? Those culprits used to get just the most annoying horns from me, with the nastiest look I can put on and a matching dirty finger, until I soon realized it never spelled a difference to them. “Talo ang maasar” that moment, I swore to keep my cool, and be that chic driver with that great deal of poise and composure.
My long drives became exciting… as I begun appreciating the beauty of the roads of Metro Manila, all the people and the humor behind all the classic ‘antics’ that made it such an entertaining and pleasurable driving experience for me. I am pertaining to the billboards, bumper stickers, mud-guard phrases, and road signage you can find ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES.
Bumper2Bumper Stickers. Nothing beats such simple yet hilarious safety reminder that says: “Bawal Tutok, Galit Barok.” A very effective blurb as I was driving along Bambang Avenue written in bold font size 30 which insinuates “Kung nababasa mo ito, masyado ka nang malapit… DISTANSYA AMIGO!” There’s another bumper sticker saying “Bawal Sabit… Puede Kabit” to jokingly remind commuters to stay away from the jeepney tail(but for any prospect love interest to perhaps stay as close to the driver). “GOD KNOWS HUDAS NOT PAY” reminder to those hoping for a free ride. The classic pick-up blurb: “Kung hanap mo’y ligaya, sa akin ika’y sumama” is just one way of wooing their lady passengers. And of course there’s the cordial ways of expressing how drivers mean serious business in “Ang Hanap Ko’y Pera, Hindi Karera.”
My brother would talk about Pinoy drivers attributing the acquisition of their vehicle from some commodity product they have sold or perhaps services rendered, their tapalados would say: “Katas ng Saudi”, “Katas ng Dubai”, “Katas ng Brunei”, “Katas ng Japan”, Katas ng Prutas, Katas ng Gulay, Katas ng Bangus, Katas ng Baboy, Katas ng Kape, Katas ng Katas… Everything katas! Until one day, my brother saw a jeepney along España-Sampaloc area with a clear written statement saying “Puro Kayo Katas!” Well’ I guess everybody’s got something to boast about.
Signs that made me sigh! At the back-draft of one provincial bus is what supposedly should be a romantic song line, but I got really confused reading it, because it says “ANYTHING I DO…DO IT FOR YOU!” hahaha. Signs of irony, like a 7-11 Convenience store being renovated screaming a very loud “SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE,” top that!
On a private property beside a car repair shop along Retiro is a big signage that says: “No Parking and Repair Here.” Aaaah-ano daw?
We all know how grammars and punctuations play important roles in communication. Missing on one could mean the total opposite of what you intend to say.
On my way home, as I was driving along Quezon Avenue, I saw one at Philcoa bearing the warning sign “No Crossing Pedestrians Will Be Apprehended” lacking just one period (after Crossing) obviously have messed-up the thought of the message, just like “WALANG TAWIRAN NAKAMAMATAY” along Q.Ave. if you’re stupid enough to think that it meant “there is no such thing as a deadly pedestrial lane” rather than “NO CROSSING. DEADLY.” And then maybe you probably would wonder why on earth would PLDT hire “SLOW MEN WORKING” to do the job?
Checking on the small scale business establishments: nothing beats “Cooking ng Ina mo” on a carinderia in Manila.. and “Cooking ng Ina mo rin” right across it. Believe it or not, we Pinoys are the most creative geniuses when it comes to humor in all aspects. Those Hollywood stars and movie inspired names, such as: “Petal Attraction” for a flowershop; “Maruya Carey” and “BananaramaCue” menu signboard of Potato Corner kiosk at Greenbellt; for cakes, breads and pastries, there’s “Anita Bakery” and “Bread Pitt”; “Crispy Per Minute” a crispy pata Eatery; “Elizabeth Tailoring” obviously a dressmaking and tailoring shop; “Farmacia with Love” drugstore; and lastly, Lito.. Lapida Maker! Hi-hi-hilarious!
So there you go, kids. I have lots of them still stored in my mind, looking forward to a sequel to this one. Just like my big brother Ron, as long as our ’salesman journeys’ stay in the road I know our eyes will always long to find some rib-tickling words and phrases, for our own enjoyment.
“ADIOS AMIGO!” and remember “WALANG KALSADANG MASIKIP SA DRIVER NA MAPILIT.”
[Inspired by my brother’s kalokohan… I am my brother’s sister anyway. Need I say More?]
Recent Comments